Archive | March 2013

Thought Catalog

You don’t exactly know what you’re doing there, in that room, in that bed. You recognize everything, of course — there is still that same stain on the ceiling you cannot stop staring at over their shoulder while they are on top of you — but everything has changed somehow. There used to be a warm, calming feeling of “You belong here” that washed over you when you laid your head against this very pillow, but now you feel that the scenery has changed since you last left the territory. Where you were once greeted as welcomed royalty, now you are a stranger who is being aggressively asked to show their papers. That couch, that toothbrush, that hand towel — they all want to know what you’re doing here.

There is also the familiarity. It becomes like a kind of drug, something you can’t take big enough hits of when…

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Thought Catalog

You will look at us with these prying, insisting eyes. You will wonder — possibly out loud — why we feel that we can’t be honest with you about how we’re feeling. We will avoid your glance and say “I’m fine,” even though everyone in the conversation is more than aware that we’re not. In fact, “fine” is a pleasant, distant stasis that we haven’t imagined attaining in longer than we can remember. But when you look at us like that, with those eyes that insist on a kind of honesty we have never felt comfortable displaying, there is no chance that we will answer. We will shake our heads, say “nothing,” and walk away.

We have always been told that this honesty is ugly. We have been afraid, as long as we can remember, of coming across as the girl who is too much all at once. We know…

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